Wednesday, June 27, 2007

An Open Letter To Smokey The Bear

Dear S. Bear,

I will be camping with my parents in the Great Smokey Mountains for the next several days. I have always respected the work you do and promise that I will do my part to prevent forest fires. For what it’s worth, I always rooted for Yogi to get that pic-i-nic basket.

But the recent upsurge in bear attacks is a concern for me. I know that there is always a “bad apple” in the bunch but your bear pals aren’t doing much to disparage the “bear-o-phobia” spread by bear-hate-mongers like Stephen Colbert’s “threat down” or Al Gore’s crusade against your illegitimate child, “ManBearPig”.

I just wanted to forewarn you and your band of ruffians that I will be packing heat this weekend. Yeah, I know firearms are not allowed in this federal park, but I’d rather get a ticket/fine for a park violation than serve as the main entrĂ©e for you and your buddies.

Yeah, that’s right, I’m calling you out. You and your homies step ONE paw into my camp site and I’ll pop a cap in your ass. I’m not talking about one of those pretty tranquilizer darts they hit you with….I mean fresh, hot lead.

I'm serial....

PS: For the rest of you, I'll be back on regular blog duty next week......providing Smokey doesn't get the jump on me.

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