Dear S. Bear,
I will be camping with my parents in the Great Smokey Mountains for the next several days. I have always respected the work you do and promise that I will do my part to prevent forest fires. For what it’s worth, I always rooted for Yogi to get that pic-i-nic basket.
But the recent upsurge in bear attacks is a concern for me. I know that there is always a “bad apple” in the bunch but your bear pals aren’t doing much to disparage the “bear-o-phobia” spread by bear-hate-mongers like Stephen Colbert’s “threat down” or Al Gore’s crusade against your illegitimate child, “ManBearPig”.
I just wanted to forewarn you and your band of ruffians that I will be packing heat this weekend. Yeah, I know firearms are not allowed in this federal park, but I’d rather get a ticket/fine for a park violation than serve as the main entrée for you and your buddies.
Yeah, that’s right, I’m calling you out. You and your homies step ONE paw into my camp site and I’ll pop a cap in your ass. I’m not talking about one of those pretty tranquilizer darts they hit you with….I mean fresh, hot lead.
PS: For the rest of you, I'll be back on regular blog duty next week......providing Smokey doesn't get the jump on me.