Dear S. Bear,
I will be camping with my parents in the Great Smokey Mountains for the next several days. I have always respected the work you do and promise that I will do my part to prevent forest fires. For what it’s worth, I always rooted for Yogi to get that pic-i-nic basket.
But the recent upsurge in bear attacks is a concern for me. I know that there is always a “bad apple” in the bunch but your bear pals aren’t doing much to disparage the “bear-o-phobia” spread by bear-hate-mongers like Stephen Colbert’s “threat down” or Al Gore’s crusade against your illegitimate child, “ManBearPig”.
I just wanted to forewarn you and your band of ruffians that I will be packing heat this weekend. Yeah, I know firearms are not allowed in this federal park, but I’d rather get a ticket/fine for a park violation than serve as the main entrée for you and your buddies.
Yeah, that’s right, I’m calling you out. You and your homies step ONE paw into my camp site and I’ll pop a cap in your ass. I’m not talking about one of those pretty tranquilizer darts they hit you with….I mean fresh, hot lead.
I'm serial....
Chris
PS: For the rest of you, I'll be back on regular blog duty next week......providing Smokey doesn't get the jump on me.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Solitude Stands By The Window
Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk chka-chka-chka-chka
Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk chka-chka-chka-chka
Is there a more obvious and happy sound of summer than a rainbird sprinkler? Ok, maybe the ice cream truck, but stay with me here and quit digging for change.To me, the sound of the sprinkler reminds me of playing in ankle high wet grass with friends. We had more fun than a day at Wet n’ Wild ever could and for 1/1,000,000th of the cost.
It plays back in slow motion in my mind now. Laughing and dodging the splash. Timing and charging that aquatic machine gun while it fires it’s 68 degree bullets at us. The droplets of water glowed with the light of the sun. I can almost feel the wet nylon bathing suit clinging to my legs.
Afterwards, we would eat popsicles sitting on that red painted picnic table that every American family had in the 70s. No, not popsicles from the ice cream man (I told you to forget about him dammit). This were homemade ones made with kool-aid & extra sugar in those Tupperware molds.
But today, that sound is as lonesome as a far off train whistle. I am sitting on our back deck, missing Alexis and Brett sitting next to me and the sound of Trevor playing in the back yard. You see, the three of them are on vacation in Florida with Alexis parents for the week and I miss them something fierce. This has been the longest week ever and it’s only half over.
It seems like the best times in life are the times when you are likely to think that you are too busy to stop & enjoy them. This week is making me realize that.
Here's a quiz: While Chris has been living a bachelor's life this week, what is the most exciting thing he's done with this opportunity?
A) Went to the Honda Hoot motorcycle event-alone.
B) Had a grilled ribeye & baked potato while watching boxing-alone.
C) Had cheetohs and watched porn-alone.
D) Went to a show at the Rainbow Club-alone.
E) Had cheetohs & a ribeye watching the drag show sitting on top of a motorcycle.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Sweep the Leg....You Got A Problem with That?
I have a question for you. It has been bugging me for a few weeks. Perhaps you can help me out with an answer…..what do you call the male equivalent of a “camel toe”? There has GOT to be a great name for a dude wearing pants so embarrassingly tight that you can see his “junk”.
Jimmy Buffet’s School of Martial Arts (read on, not just about karate)
I have been reading the Fighters Fact Book by Loren Christensen to supplement my training at Butturini Family Karate. Why would I need to read a book when I am being trained by highly qualified staff? I look at it this way….all things being equal, if I am fighting a similar skilled and sized partner who has ALSO been trained by the same staff…..any little extra edge could make the difference!
Anyway, Christensen made an excellent quodlibet to decry the difference between memorizing and understanding karate moves. He said that a parrot can mimic, but it can’t carry on a conversation.
He is pointing out that anyone can memorize a “form” or “kata” (series of moves) and repeat them. That is even a necessary part of the beginning of martial arts training. But as you progress, you gain an understanding of the moves, when to use them, how to pick up on subtle body movements of your opponent to KNOW what he/she is about to do etc. You know how to respond in sparring or in a real attack.
The difference in class is evident when an instructor tells us to go freestyle for 1 minute on the bag and throw any punch, kick or punch/kick combinations we want. Some people can throw combos with a comfortable flow. Others seem mechanical with long pauses as they try to think of a combo to throw other than “Polly wants a cracker.” It doesn’t necessarily have to do with belt rank or length of experience. Tonight we were going to do some free form combos in the last 15 minutes of class and a student ranked the same as me and who is on a demo team said, “We like it better when you TELL us what to do.”
When I heard that statement, I immediately thought back to Christensen’s statement about the parrot. It was one of those “life imitating [martial] art” moments because I applied his statement to general life and personal growth. It’s the difference between “talking the talk” and “walking the walk”.
Want proof? The next time someone identifies themselves as “I’m a Republican”, “I’m a Democrat”, “I’m a Baptist” or any other label, ask them “Why?”.
I think many people, maybe even the majority of people, will have a hard time giving a coherent statement about why they consciously chose to align themselves with that label. It’s just “because”. Too often it is "We like it better when you TELL us what to do....don't make us think for ourselves."
I am NOT CRITICIZING because I can be just as guilty of this at sometimes. When you allow yourself to just go through the motions of life (i.e. living unconsciously), it’s easy to adopt “the party line” and start parroting.
So any ol’ parrot can say “I’m a pretty boy! What’s your name?”
But it takes a purposeful being to truly walk the walk. And before you can walk that walk, you have to understand why you chose THAT walk to begin with.
Or as Steven Tyler (the obvious role model of conscious living, right?) would say…understanding why you “WALK THIS WAY…..TALK THIS WAY….WALK THIS WAY”
Just gimme a kiss.
And on that note, you must absolutely watch this ultra hilarious video for the song "Sweep The Leg" by the band No More Kings. It won a grammy...for the best music video EVER.
Jimmy Buffet’s School of Martial Arts (read on, not just about karate)
I have been reading the Fighters Fact Book by Loren Christensen to supplement my training at Butturini Family Karate. Why would I need to read a book when I am being trained by highly qualified staff? I look at it this way….all things being equal, if I am fighting a similar skilled and sized partner who has ALSO been trained by the same staff…..any little extra edge could make the difference!
Anyway, Christensen made an excellent quodlibet to decry the difference between memorizing and understanding karate moves. He said that a parrot can mimic, but it can’t carry on a conversation.
He is pointing out that anyone can memorize a “form” or “kata” (series of moves) and repeat them. That is even a necessary part of the beginning of martial arts training. But as you progress, you gain an understanding of the moves, when to use them, how to pick up on subtle body movements of your opponent to KNOW what he/she is about to do etc. You know how to respond in sparring or in a real attack.
The difference in class is evident when an instructor tells us to go freestyle for 1 minute on the bag and throw any punch, kick or punch/kick combinations we want. Some people can throw combos with a comfortable flow. Others seem mechanical with long pauses as they try to think of a combo to throw other than “Polly wants a cracker.” It doesn’t necessarily have to do with belt rank or length of experience. Tonight we were going to do some free form combos in the last 15 minutes of class and a student ranked the same as me and who is on a demo team said, “We like it better when you TELL us what to do.”
When I heard that statement, I immediately thought back to Christensen’s statement about the parrot. It was one of those “life imitating [martial] art” moments because I applied his statement to general life and personal growth. It’s the difference between “talking the talk” and “walking the walk”.
Want proof? The next time someone identifies themselves as “I’m a Republican”, “I’m a Democrat”, “I’m a Baptist” or any other label, ask them “Why?”.
I think many people, maybe even the majority of people, will have a hard time giving a coherent statement about why they consciously chose to align themselves with that label. It’s just “because”. Too often it is "We like it better when you TELL us what to do....don't make us think for ourselves."
I am NOT CRITICIZING because I can be just as guilty of this at sometimes. When you allow yourself to just go through the motions of life (i.e. living unconsciously), it’s easy to adopt “the party line” and start parroting.
So any ol’ parrot can say “I’m a pretty boy! What’s your name?”
But it takes a purposeful being to truly walk the walk. And before you can walk that walk, you have to understand why you chose THAT walk to begin with.
Or as Steven Tyler (the obvious role model of conscious living, right?) would say…understanding why you “WALK THIS WAY…..TALK THIS WAY….WALK THIS WAY”
Just gimme a kiss.
And on that note, you must absolutely watch this ultra hilarious video for the song "Sweep The Leg" by the band No More Kings. It won a grammy...for the best music video EVER.
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